we bury the known past,

the past we imagine sometimes better than it was,

but the past all the same,

a portion of which we inhabited.

Memory is the overwhelming theme,

the eventual comfort.

But burying infants,

we bury the future,

unwieldy and unknown,

full of promise and possibilities,

outcomes punctuated by our rosy hopes.

The grief has no borders,

no limits,

no known ends

and the little infant graves

that edge the corners and fencerows of every cemetery

are never quite big enough to contain that grief.

Some sadnesses are permanent.

Dead babies do not give us memories.

They give us dreams.

And if you need to cry,

cry with your brother or sister

who walks in grief beside you.

And when you need me,

put your arms around anyone

and give to them what you need to give to me.

There are so many who need so much.

I want to leave you something --

something much better than words or sounds.

Look for me in the people I've known

or helped in some special way.

Let me live in your heart

as well as in your mind.

You can love me most

by letting your love reach out to our loved ones,

by embracing them and living in their love.

Love does not die, people do.

So, when all that's left of me is love,

give me away as best you can.

beneath the stars above, for a moment all the world was right.

How was I to know that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end,

the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.

I could have missed the pain,

but I'd have had to miss the dance.

It's been so long since anyone has done that.

It felt so good to talk about you,

to share my memories of you,

to simply say your name out loud.

She asked me if I minded talking about

what happened to you,

or would it be too painful to speak of it.

I told her I think of it every day

and speaking about it helps me to release

the tormented thoughts whirling around in my head.

She said she never realized the pain

would last this long.

She apologized for not asking sooner.

I told her, "Thanks for asking."

I don't know if it was curiosity

or concern that made her ask,

But told her, "Please do it again sometime soon."

Did the angels bear the pain That was being done to you Did they hear your cries of fear And stayed to help you through

Did the angels hold you tightly The way I would of done Did they know how I would feel And wish they were the one

Did the angels cry out loudly For the unjustness of your plight Did they call Lord Jesus And lead you to the light

Did the angels softly kiss your cheek Before you took your leave Did they remind you how I loved you so And forever more I'd grieve

A million times we've cried;

If love alone could have saved you

You never would have died.

If all the world was ours to give

We would give, yes, and more.

To see you coming up the steps

To hear your voice, to see your smile,

To sit and talk with you a while.

To see you in the same old way

It would be our fondest day.

A heart of gold stopped beating,

Two eyes closed to rest,

God broke our hearts to prove to us

When at times they see us smile.

Little do they know the heartaches,

That our smiles hide, all the while.

Beautiful memories are wonderful things,

That last 'til the longest day.

They never wear out, they never get lost,

And can never be given away.

To some you may be forgotten,

To others, a part of the past,

But to those who love you and lost you,

You memory will always last.

Unless you have lost your child too,

Please don't tell me my broken will heal,

Because that is just not true,

Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,

Though it is true, I want him here with me,

Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,

Beyond today I cannot see,

Don't tell me it is time to move on,

Because I cannot,

Don't tell me to face the fact he is gone,

Because denial is something I can't stop,

Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,

Because I wanted more,

Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,

I'll never be as I was before,

What you can tell me is you will be here for me,

That you will listen when I talk of my child,

You can share with me my precious memories,

You can even cry with me for a while,

And please don't hesitate to say his name,

Because it is something I long to hear,

Friend please realize that I can never be the same,

God is watching over you,

Saying goodbye now

is the hardest thing to do.

We lost you for a reason

no need to question why,

As we sit here hurting

trying to say goodbye.

Needed to let you know

we're loving you everyday,

This is really not farewell

you'll be with us in every way.

Little Madison Ann,

you brought life to a family

Now you are in Heaven

as it was meant to be.

God will be here with us

in our hearts you will remain

Till someday He will call us

to be with you once again.

So, sleep now little angel

on God we will rely,

This is not farewell

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the snow on the mountain's rim,

I am the laughter in children's eyes,

I am the sand at the water's edge,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle Autumn rain,

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight,

I am the star that shines at night,

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

A loved one lives forever in the memories that were shared.

Found Pennies come from Heaven That's what my grandpa told me, He said, "Angel toss them down", Oh, how I love that story.

He said, "When angels miss you, They toss a penny down. Sometimes to cheer you up, And make a smile out of a frown".

So don't pass by that penny, When you're feeling blue, It may be a penny from Heaven, That an angel tossed to you.

But what it means to lose you, no one will ever know

You wished no one farewell, not even said good-bye,

You were gone before I knew it, and only God knows why.

You are not forgotten nor will you ever be,

As long as life and memories last, I will remember thee.

To some you may be forgotten, to others a part of the past,

But to me who loved you dearly, your memories will always last.

Nothing can be more beautiful than the memories I have of you.

To me, you were someone special, God must have thought so too!

If tears could build a staircase and memories a lane,

I would walk all the way to Heaven, and bring you back again

The things we feel so deeply Are the hardest things to say. But we your family, love you In a very special way.

They say memories are golden Well maybe that is true. But we never wanted memories, We only wanted you.

If teardrops were a stairway And heartaches made a lane, We'd walk a path to heaven And bring you back again.

A thousand times we've cried. If our love could have saved you You never would have died.

For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she's dead.

It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,

But will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and shall her stay be brief,

You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from Earth return,

But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,

And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labor vain,

Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!

For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may,

And for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay;

But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.

I know this is a rough time for you. So I will be as gentle as I can be. First of all, thank you for so many tears, particularly those shared with another that you love. They are a gift to me, a precious tribute to your investment in me.

As you do your mourning, do it at your pace only. Don't let anybody suggest that you do your grief work on their timetable. Do whatever it takes to face directly the reality of what has happened, even though you may need to pause frequently and yearn for my return. Do this with courage and my blessings. Know that sometimes inertia is the only movement possible.

Give your best to keeping a balance between remembering me and renewing your commitments to life. It's O.K. with me if you go through minutes, hours and even days not thinking about me. I know that you'll. never forget. Loosening me and grabbing hold of a new meaning is a delicate art. I'm not sure if one comes before the other or not, maybe it's a combination.

Be with people who accept you as you are. Mention my name out loud, and if they don't make a hasty retreat, they're probably excellent candidates for friendship.

If, by a remote possibility, you think that there is anything that you could have done for me and didn't. I forgive you, as my Lord does. Resentment does not abide here, only love.

You know how people sometimes ask you how many children you have? Well, I'm still yours and you are still my parents. Always acknowledge that with tenderness, unless to do so would fall on insensitive ears or would be painful to you. I know how you feel inside. To be included as your child honours me.

Read, even though your tears anoint the page. There is an immense library here and I have a card. In Henri Nowens' "Out of Solitude", he writes, "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair and confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."

Mom and Dad, I don't know where you are spiritually now, but rest assured that our God is not gone. The still small voice you hear in your heart is His voice. The warmth that sometimes enfolds you is Him. The tears that tremble just beneath your heartbeat is Him. He is in you, as I am.

I want you both to know that I am O.K. I have sent you messages to ease your pain, they come in the form of flowers that bloom out of season, birds singing, voices and visions and sometimes through your friends and even strangers who volunteer as angels. Stay open but don't expect the overly dramatic. You will get whet you need and it may be simply an internal peace. You are not crazy, you have been comforted.

Please seek out people bereaved longer than you. They are tellers of truth, and if they have done there work, are an inspiration and a beacon of hope whose pain lessened dramatically and one more wisdom before I close. There are still funny happenings in our world. It delights me to no end when I hear your spontaneous, uncontrolled laughter. That, too, will come in due time.

Today, I light a candle for you. Joined with your candle, let their light shine above the darkness.

Affectionately,

Your Angel child. PS: I'll. see you later!

Please, don't say at least she isn't suffering I haven't come to terms with why she had to suffer at all Please, don't tell me you know how I feel Unless you have lost a child

Please, don't ask me if I feel better Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up Please, don't tell me at least you had her for so many years What year would you choose for your child to die?

I would tuck you in more tightly and pray, your soul to keep,

If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would videotape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two

to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming, you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day,

well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,

and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say our "I love yous,"

And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do's?"

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget,

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight..

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss

and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear,

Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear,

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you" or "it's okay."

And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be